stop the harness before deleting its transcript, and wait for it to actually stop

Deleting a commander removed its transcript and the `claude` CLI wrote it
straight back. Verified rather than inferred: the file returned with 22 lines,
every one timestamped after the delete, and the deleted commander was sitting in
/chat as "(untitled)" — no longer in `command_hq_sessions`, so nothing filtered
it out. Delete a commander, get an untitled chat back.

Two causes, and the first one hid the second.

The kill never happened. `killClaudeSession` was imported straight from
`claude-manager` into a route that runs in `officer`, while the session map lives
in `officer-claude-code`. It read an empty map in the wrong process and returned
false every time. `claude:kill` and `killClaude` already existed for this; the
route just wasn't using them.

And killing is not being dead. `abort()` returns while the CLI is still
unwinding, and officer does not own that file — the CLI does. So a session now
carries an `exited` promise resolved by the same exit hook that already reaps it,
`claude:kill` replies only once that resolves, and both delete routes await the
reply before touching the filesystem.

Bounded at 5s and never fatal. A child that will not die delays a delete by
seconds instead of hanging it, and a sidecar that is down leaves the caller with
exactly the race it already had.

`markExited` fires before `dropDeadSession`'s identity guard, deliberately: a
waiter has to be released even when a newer session has taken its key, or it
blocks for the full timeout on a process that died on schedule.

Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 5 <noreply@anthropic.com>

src/servers/api/command-hq/router.ts

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ import * as errors from '@@/custom-errors';
 import { resolveHomeDir } from '@@/user-home';
 import { getCommandersDir, toShellUsername } from '@@/data-path';
 import { forgetChatSessions, getChatEventsSince, ingestSpawnedChildren } from 'officerdb';
-import { killClaudeSession } from '@@/sidecar/claude/claude-manager';
+import * as sidecar from '@@/sidecar-registry';
 import { findSessionKeyByClaudeSession } from '@@/sidecar/claude/state';
 import { sessionKeyForTranscript } from '../chat/websocket';
 import {
@@ -560,7 +560,18 @@ commandHqRouter.delete('/commanders/:sessionId', async (ctx) => {
   // Same mapping problem as the briefing: the sidecar's map is not visible from here, so the platform's own
   // is asked first and the sidecar's is kept as a fallback for a session that predates this process.
   const sessionKey = sessionKeyForTranscript(sessionId) ?? findSessionKeyByClaudeSession(sessionId, user.id);
-  const sessionKilled = sessionKey ? killClaudeSession(sessionKey, user.id) : false;
+  /*
+    Across the socket, and AWAITED — both halves matter.
+
+    `killClaudeSession` from `claude-manager` was called directly here, and it could only ever return false:
+    the session map lives in the `officer-claude-code` process and this route runs in `officer`, so it was
+    reading an empty map in the wrong process. The kill silently never happened.
+
+    Awaited because the next thing this route does is delete the transcript, and the `claude` CLI owns that
+    file. Deleting it while the CLI is still unwinding removes a file that is written straight back — which
+    is exactly how a deleted commander came back as an untitled ordinary chat.
+  */
+  const sessionKilled = sessionKey ? await sidecar.killClaudeAndWait(sessionKey, user.id) : false;
   const stopped = stopCommanderProcesses(who.email, sessionId);
 
   // 2. Everything it spawned. Best-effort per child: one transcript that has already been cleaned up must